it hurts more in the daytime
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
