You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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