im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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