had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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