I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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