I think im going to throw up on grandma
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
