guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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