Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
