not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
my liver is dry heaving
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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