Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
