i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
