We won't sleep together?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
