He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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