I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
