My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
