Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
