You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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