oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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