My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
