So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
