Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
