Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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