when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
