i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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