Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
