I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
