Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
