i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
