He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
