I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
