So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
