Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
