sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
