can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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