Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
