The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
