Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
