Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I have post one night stand depression
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