i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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