Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
