i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
