let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
