Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
