I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
