i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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