i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
