My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
