I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
