How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
