i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sarcasm needs its own font
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
