He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
