i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
