At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
