Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
