Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
