Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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